TLDR; Fill out most if not all of the space the dating app allows you to write. Make it witty and funny. Be honest with who you actually are and your intentions. There are many ways to imply that you just want to hook up without being overtly sleazy about it.
If you guys haven't checked out my first post on how to absolutely kill the online dating game, I highly recommend you reading it before continuing!
Why hello there and welcome to the second part of my guide helping all the sexually frustrated and/or simps out there who currently need an advantage whilst navigating the 69th level of hell aka online dating. I've already discussed in my last post why as a male you're automatically playing a game rigged against you. I've discussed and went in full detail on which pictures to choose, where to place them and how picking the best pictures increases the amount of matches you'll get.
In this blog, I will digress the importance of not sounding like a lame duck when crafting your profile and why it's completely idiotic to leave it blank so you too can prevent forest fires I mean vastly increase the quality of matches.
Alright, so the first step is promising me that you'll use up most if not all the space provided for you in your dating profile. Trust me when I say this that most people end up looking at what you write. Again, your dashingly handsome looks will get you the number of matches but again, the cuties with quality will scan your profile to get a better idea of who you are. I'm most familiar with Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel, OkCupid and Bumble and I understand that things may have changed a bit 3 years ago so take what you find useful. From what I recall, CMB and OKC allows you write much more than Tinder and Bumble. Again, if you're just trying to smash and pass then the latter two would probably be your best bet. I personally had the best luck with both matches and compatibility when I was able to write more about myself.
Let me show you what not to do in your profiles:
About me:
- Cars
- Lifting
- Raves
What I like to do:
- Drive cars
- Lift weights
- Roll tits
What I like in a partner:
- Fake lashes
- Colored hair
- Eye contacts
- Great personality
First off, holy shit bro, good luck trying to stand out with the 5 million other guys vying for her attention. I've seen these lists on so many of my friends' profile that I just cringe. There's nothing inherently wrong with liking cars, lifting weights and going to raves. When a girl looks at your profile, she's going to be thinking a few things:
What a douche bag fuckboi he is. (If she's into fuckbois then hell yeah, more power to you. You've won the game!)
You're lazy and boring.
You sound like every other guy who's swiped on her. Therefore, you don't stand out. Next.
Let me show you how to craft that same exact profile into something much more appealing:
About me:
I love driving my S2000 around the city and on the weekends if I'm not at the race track, I'm usually at a music festival! I love me some Trap music even though the Chainsmokers are my absolute favorite. When I'm not singing my heart out or having Vtec kick in, I'm at Gold's Gym working out.
What I like to do:
I really feel alive when I push my car to the limits, similar to when it comes to competition day for powerlifting. However, I feel the most alive and myself when I'm singing my heart out to my favorite song of all time, Roses.
What I like in a partner:
I love it when my partner dresses up, is always down to have a good time with me yet very responsible. I melt when she's a great listener, has a big heart and is fun to be around. Being physically active is must!(Yes I actually wrote that in my profiles. I'll explain why later.)
When writing your dating profile, it's all about marketing yourself and how awesome you actually are. You want to paint a picture for your suitors that, "damn this guy sounds like a great time." Remember wondering why you needed to read some book written a long time ago just so you can write an 5 paged APA format, double spaced, Times New Roman, 12 font essay? Well now you can put that college degree to good use by writing a blurb showing all the cuties out there how great of a catch you are.
Pro tip: Be mindful about the types of profiles you swipe on. Sure she's really cute and her pictures looks like it's from a photo shoot but if her profile sucks or empty but you poured your heart into yours then is she even worth your time?
Yes I can also empathize on how she can so alluring that you swipe regardless because we're visual creatures. I've done it many times as well and yet, I've never really gone out with any of them.
As you can see, I still managed to talk about the 3 joys in that sample profile, cars, lifting weights and going to raves. The biggest differences are actually putting it in a witty, grammatically correct(yes it's pretty important for people especially myself) way. Sprinkle in some self-deprecating humor, being specific and explaining why you love cars, lifting and weights will easily get you to writing.
If you have trouble figuring out what kind of person you are or who you like, feel free to ask your buddies, preferably the ones on the opposite sex to help you out. Have them list out 3-5 qualities about you and then write sentences about them!
I think it's safe to say for both males and females generally like really interesting, unique people. With that said, do you have any quirks or hobbies that make you stand out? How about passions? Why are you passionate about it? I know it can be a bit awkward to share with the world how much you love knitting sweaters but damn if she's a hater and bags on your passions then believe me when I tell you that you don't that type of negativity in your life. Simple as that. Let me share you some interesting passions:
If you're just meeting me for the first time, you probably wouldn't guess that I'm serious about the aquarium game. I have two freshwater aquariums: one with fish and the other with shrimp. I would love to explain to people the plant macros(nitrogen, phosphorus and potassium) and why they matter so much.
I met this jacked psychiatry resident a couple years back who owns a patch of land in the San Fernando Valley just so he can continue his passion for gardening. He told me about how his style of garden is pretty much self-sustaining using specific techniques of tilling which was taught by some hippie gardeners he met. Tell me that isn't cool at all.
As I write this blog, I'm currently helping one of my clients figure out what his passions and hobbies are other than powerlifting. He wanted to restart his passion of modeling kits as he used to build Gundams when he was young. Me personally, I love seeing very aesthetic things that look like a lot of work was put in. I appreciate the art even more.
I thought these were the coolest things growing up.
In your profile, be mindful about displaying as much social capital as you currently possess. If you don't know what that means then I highly suggest you check out my blog post about it.
Finally, if your dating app doesn't have a place to write what type of relationship you're looking for I believe it's very important to state your intentions. Don't be the dirtbag who says that he's looking for a romantic partner but really just wants to hook up. Whether you're looking for a relationship or not, make sure you write it explicitly. It takes the guessing game out for both parties which means less time on your end wasted.
Alright this blog wouldn't be complete if I didn't address on how to write a dating profile with no intentions to date seriously but to just hook up. Don't worry boys, I'm not here to judge anyone who just wants to smash and pass aka collect and select. It's really simple, just craft your profile as what I've stated above, staying away from listing your hobbies/qualities except that you add in the part where you just want to hook up. I believe still putting in the work to curate your profile in a charming way will definitely have people view you as less sleazy if your intentions are to just hook up. I didn't have the balls to write "Hook ups only" though I'm sure that probably works more often than not.
Euphemisms for Hooking Up:
Not looking for anything serious. I genuinely like this one because it seems the least suspicious out of all of them. Has a gentlemanly air to it.
Looking to only have some fun/have a good time. Hmm....kind of questionable in my opinion as it reminds me of some hairy old dude telling some unsuspecting 18 year old at the club about how much his BMW is worth and how he lives in a penthouse suite.
Hook ups only. Direct and straight to the point. The more I see this, the more it actually grows on me. I think it could really work depending on how you want to portray yourself.
Before I end this blog let me bestow some more wisdom onto you fellow gentlemen currently navigating dating apps:
- Don't take anything personal. I've matched and conversed with so many salty women looking to start shit for no reason! Just because someone else hurt her doesn't give her the right to make you a punching bag. If your match starts doing this, then un-match her sorry ass so she can go back to her favorite pass time of skinning cats and being forever alone. Remember and live by the quote, "All's fair in love and war" and you'll be fine.
- Always be graceful no matter what. I like to use the following sentence whenever I'm no longer feeling someone or if they're just not a decent human being, "thanks for your time but I don't think we're right for each other. I wish you the best of luck!" I understand that it may feel good to be reactive and say something back or to call them out on their bullshit but truth be told you'd be wasting your time doing so.
- If her replies are spotty, says she's a bad texter, doesn't reply to your for more than 24 hours without a good excuse, on to the next. I recall swiping and matching with cuties on CMB but jeez they are so bad at replying. My younger self was all strung up and it started bothering me as to why they wouldn't reply. I know some guys are actually fine with inconsistent hours apart texts but I personally am not a fan unless obviously she was at work or school. Remember, if she doesn't give you a good enough reason as to why her texting sucks then move on or suffer the consequence of anxiety and waiting. You don't wait for no one.
- Don't be a lame duck and use the phrases, "Hey, how's it going?" or "Hey, what's up?" Stop being lazy and look at her profile dammit. Be curious and ask her about something pertaining what she wrote. Open ended questions are your best friends. Ask her about where she took some of her pictures. If she has a dog, ask her all about the dog! Avoid asking, "What do you like to do for fun" because if she actually took the time to write a decent profile, you'll most likely get the answer. However, you could write, "I see that you like to skin cats for fun, tell me what about it is so alluring?" Should probably not even talk to a girl like that in the first place but you know, everyone's got their thing...
- If she makes a creative or thoughtful response, then it's a really high chance that she's interested. If she crafted a question using something in your profile, then you bet she's curious about you. This is the type of matches you want.
So that concludes my blog. Thank you all for reading and supporting my rambles. I hope you all were able to learn and thing or two. If you did use some of all of these tips please let me know whether or not it made a difference! Until next time, I'll see you guys!
Sincerely,
Joseph L.
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